My Favorite Things

Feel free to sing in your best Julie Andrews voice....

I would like to take a moment to ponder the things that have made me glad and proud to homeschool this year.

First, and most important, is the very fact that we have been able to financially afford the opportunity to homeschool our children, and of course, that we will be able to continue doing so next year, and hopefully for years to come.

I am so glad that I have been able to teach my children on their own level, without having time constraints pushing me to rush through things, or having to go along with procedure and due course. My students who excel in school are able to freely learn without being held down, and the ones who have trouble in some areas are able to spend time digesting the new information, or reviewing daily the things that they struggled with. Nothing makes me more happy than knowing that they are getting it.

The grades. Oh, the glorious grades! Can I brag for a moment? My children are doing phenomenal! I have one who has straight A's, two subjects are at a 99 %. Although I don't feel I can really completely claim the glory on that one, there is such a thing as too much ego, haha, I can say that I was at least a part in it. Obviously I have been blessed with three extraordinarily bright children. (And I'm almost certain a little 4 month old will probably follow in her brothers' and sister's footstep on that one.)

No pressure. When I worked, and the kids were in public school, every single morning felt like I was trying to outrun an explosion. I would wake up, feed the kids, and send them to be dressed. Then as we walked out of the door, I would notice someone without socks, or a dress put on backward, or a dirty shirt on them, which would have to be fixed. Then we would run out the door, now late, only to realize one of them had left a backpack , or that in the scramble, I had forgotten to hand out their lunches. So much pressure! But now, if I stay up until midnight, and the baby wakes me every two hours, I can still sleep until 10 to make up for it. The kids have clear outlines on what they can and cannot do in the mornings, if they wake before me. Now it isn't always perfect, or easy, but it is a less better than it was before, I assure you.

Quantity of Quality. Ah, quality time. to adults, it means a lot, to kids, not so much. What children really want is quantity of time. It doesn't matter if you don't talk to them, it doesn't matter if you just sit and have a staring contest, children just want to have time with their parents. As I mentioned in my last part, our time was severly limited when I was working and they were in school. We didn't have time to eat together, it was rush and go in the morning. And forget the evenings! As soon as I got home, it was time for dinner prep, cooking, serving, and eating. Yes, we still had dinner together then, but with no time to relax after work, dinner seemed like a chore rather than decompression. Then it was on to homework, which was so frustrating to help with, which brings me to the next point:

I know what they have and have not learned. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to help my children with homework, and hearing them say "we didn't learn that", or "that isn't how she taught us to do it". I love that I can look at a problem they are having, knowing what they learned, how they learned it, and what I want them to get out of it. This allows me to help them in the way they need it, rather than frustrating and confusing them, and gettign riled up trying to explain a concept.

Control. Control can be a dirty word in a lot of cases, but when it comes to being a parent, it is something you just have to exercise. With my children home with me, I have a lot more control of the things that matter to me most:
 1. Environment- No more worry of psychos, perverts, masked gunmen, kidnappers, etc when I can see and hear them at all times. Not that I was particularly obsessive with concern of these things, but you never know these days.
2. Friends/enemies- There have been, in the past, some children that I had to smile with grit teeth at when my kids brought them over to meet me. You know the ones. Kids that cuss, fight, flirt, lie, steal, etc. The bad influences. I don't want my children around role models like that, and I have to wonder if their own personality flaws didn't come from being around those kids. Enemies, woo-boy, I almost climbed on that bus myself a couple of times, but restrained myself. Bullies pray on kids who appear weak, and bullies also appear to the strong to be a way to become stronger. Therefore, I had two kids who were picked on, and one who wanted to join the gang and be a bully. No dice, kiddos.
3. What they learn, and to what length. This is, of course, the very reason that we homeschool, is it not? It means a lot to me to be able to choose what the kids learn, and when , and how much. Just the other day, one of the kids got a book in the library that talked about evolution, I was able to explain our stance on it, instead of some atheist teacher out there telling my child about a theory that we do not adhere to. This also means that I can choose to do true American history starting in 3rd grade, and that my children can become fluent in something like 4 languages before they graduate, if we so desire. And we just might.
4. Their health. Blah, blah, blah, gym class, blah, blah, blah, forced basketball, blah. Health is in my hands, not some one size fits all forced curriculum. So that means that outside time is gym class, and tennis lessons are fun, not forced, and my kids have more of a chance to grow up believing that sports and exercise are a part of life, not just something that they are forced to do once a week in P.E. And on the same bill, health regarding their food is also in my control. Obviously if I had prepared lunch every day when they were in school, it would have been the same, but being an imperfect mother, that just didn't happen. so my kids ate things like fried chicken nuggets, pizza, and macaroni and cheese. Every day. Uh... variety, people. There is nothing wrong with that in moderation, but I believe that sometimes chocolate milk should just not be an option, that macaroni and potatoes shouldn't be the only sides they eat.

And so on, and so forth. All of that being said, I am just so grateful for this chance. I am so proud of what we have accomplished this year, and as time goes on, we only get better, and more diverse, and more organized. Homeschooling a family is just like a garden, when you spend time watering it, nourishing it, feeding it good things, and weeding the bad,life sucking things out, all you are going to get is bigger, better, and more beautiful fruit from it. And we may not be there yet, but this little garden is growing and laying down its roots!

Desperation- Not Just a Stephen King Book

So I just got done sending out a mass email to my local homeschool group, updating them on my current phone numbers, and not so slightly hinting that I want them to use those phone numbers this summer to set up playdates with my children. As soon as I hit "send", I had a momentary freak-out, wondering if I had crossed a line, or if I appeared too desperate, but then I realized that perhaps sometimes reaching out in desperation is alright. Here is why:

1. My children need friends. This is the most important reason for my desperation. Since moving here 8 months ago, my kids have been exposed to only one consistent group of children, and that is the homeschool group. Other than that, there was a few months at one church that I later decided was not the right home for us. Even that did not produce any promising relationships for them. We have been "church-hopping" in hopes of finding a place that suits not only them but us spiritually, and even if that means losing out on opportunities for deep relationships, it is what is best for all of us in the long run. 
2. I need friends. It may seem like that has nothing to do with my children having friends, but it really does. Consider this, if my children do not make nice with other kids, I won't have the chance to make nice with those kids' parents. I can't assure that the children my kids  decide to befriend will actually have parents that I will get along with as well, but hey, it is a start.
3. I need a break. If I promise playdates at my house, I can only hope that they will be reciprocated elsewhere. Have you ever tried spending 14 hours a day with no one but your mother to talk to on the phone, wrangling three rambunctious children, and one fussy infant... every day. With no end in sight? My poor husband comes home every night to a screaming, crying, blubbering baby... who just so happens to be 27 years old. It gets old. And I get tired. So Mama needs a break every now and then.

That being said, I believe that desperation is transparency. Yes, it seems ugly on the outside, but if you look through the windows what you really get is someone who is just lonely. Actually, a whole family of them. But is there any shame in that? I don't think so. So, desperation is ok every now and again.

The Action vs. The Quiet

It is 10:00 p.m. and the baby is sleeping, the kids are snoring, the cat is lying on the floor watching me, and I am sitting in front of this white screen. It amazes me how different things appear when you are not in the middle of The Action. Right now, in The Quiet, I am peaceful and relaxed. Everything around me makes me feel grateful- the sweet dark eyelashes of my little girls fluttering on their cheekbones, the twitching and arm flailing and murmured sleep talking of my boys, even the sound of the air conditioning running is peaceful! I can step out of this moment, and look at it and think to myself just how darn lucky I am for these kids, for this house, for this life. the thing is though, I am not in the middle of The Action.

The Action is another story altogether. It is a time where there is NOISE and MOTION and CHAOS! The Action is the time when the baby is squalling- for no apparent reason- the boys are screaming at one another, and there is some loud thumping coming from their room that sounds suspiciously like a wrestling match, my daughter has just slammed her door at me because she didn't like the chore I have assigned her, and the cat has somehow gotten locked in a hall closet.... The Action. The time when my brain feels like it is on fire. My heart has palpitations similar to a an angry canary beating itself against its cage. My voice isn't pleasant, no, in fact I sound as though I have been possessed as I scream and cry out for the peace... that only seems to come after bedtime.

Yes, my life is a contradiction. I have a split personality life. But all I want is to find that middle ground! I know there must be some way to do it, some way to find peace during The Action, to find the appreciation that I can only feel later, when it is calm. And perhaps I will find it some day. I am working on it. I take solace in the fact that I know that God gave me this life for a reason. Somehow, my all-knowing God thought knew I could handle it. So because of my faith in Him, I will continue to live my two lives until some day they converge into one. A life that will have Quiet, and Action, but will mostly be Peace.